Primates

Ikea Monkey’s ex-owner is trying to appeal the court’s decision to keep the monkey in an animal sanctuary. She says that the monkey is like a child to her. A child, as we all remember, that she left alone in a car on a cold day, while she shopped in an Ikea. Nobody ever runs into an Ikea for a few minutes. You always end up being inside Ikea for 3 hours or more, whether you want to or not. It’s like some sort of mystical Swedish time portal. Anyway, what I’m saying is, if it was a child, it would have frozen to death and she’d probably be in jail, so she quit complaining.